Growing up

To a lot of people, especially the younger generation, growing up is a big deal. From the time we were children, it has always been asked of us, "What will you be when you grow up?" I think that questions like that do strengthen us as children to have dreams and strive to make those dreams happen. It prepares in a way.
However, one thing I have begun to notice as I get dreadfully older is that one thing I was not prepared for was loss. I never thought of the fact that by me getting older, so was everyone else. This is when the reality of loosing a loved one comes into play. Grandparents get older and will eventually die. Parents, uncles, and aunts will as well. Then siblings and cousins. Not to mention the brutal deaths of some which could include early deaths of your spouse, your nephews and nieces, perhaps even your own children. That is just family. You will also loose friends.
I was never prepared for any of this. I wasn't prepared for my friend's death. We're not even sure what the cause of death was yet. Then, exactly one week after her death I had another friend commit suicide. I wasn't prepared for that. Recently, my friend's dad passed away in what seems to be an early brutal death. My dad is still alive and I love him dearly...but I got to thinking that when you loose someone, is it even possible to not think you could have been there for them more, could have spent more time with them, could have known them better? Is it possible not to regret? Is it possible to feel that, even though you couldn't prevent their death, that maybe, when they were alive, you could have made a bigger difference? Is it possible to use that and begin to make a difference in the people you do have left in your life?
I am a Christian indeed and I have very big and very good news to tell people...but have I? regrettably, no. My first friend I did try and talk to her. I, however, didn't push. I wish I would have. As for my second friend, I feel most burdened about. My uncle asked me time and time again to talk to the guy about God. To perhaps even hang with him and try to influence him. Did I? Not really. I tried, once to strike up a conversation with him about God, but it wasn't the right time. But because I didn't push, look what happened. I waited too long. Now he is gone and I will never get that chance back. So, from what I understand, and I hope I'm wrong somehow, but I don't think he, or she, are in a good place. I feel responsible for this. I could have at least tried.
The thought of this brings me to another state of mind. I had better get a move on. I had better start telling people, especially those I am close to, of the good news I have for them. Am I strong enough for that though? No. But neither was David, Moses, or Noah. Am I afraid to do it? of course. I could loose friends and family due to this Truth that I hold.
You know something though? I can't save everyone; I can't save anyone actually. My point is, however, that I should at least try. Right? I think so.

A little peom I wrote

Good News

Most are enslaved
To things as such
From malice to envy
To the ungodly touch

They keep their minds
In gutters abound
With every curse
And every ill sound

From hate
To unbelief
They sit in circles
Applauding the Thief

Yet the lost are blind
They can see no’thing
It is the Light that will illuminate
The everlasting King.


-Jimmy Wells

Alittle about me, before and after.

Life for me before I became a Christian lacked certainty. I spent years searching for something to fill the void in my heart and only found temporary fulfillment in sin, such as gossip, sex, lying, smoking, cursing, telling and listening to dirty jokes, and possessions. In doing all of these things, my life rendered meaningless and without purpose. I realize now that in trying to fulfill that void, I sought a reason for my existence, my life; a reason for life in general. I would ask myself, "Why am I here?" Lost and in the dark, I lived a directionless lonely life full of depression and emptiness.

I had tried in many ways to connect with God, through prayer, reason, bargaining, coaxing, and even threats if He didn't answer my prayers. Nothing ever came of all the insignificant endeavors except for seemingly boundary less emptiness. I had some thought of joining a small church right down the road from where I lived. Of course, I had no intentions of accepting what God had to offer: His awesome gracious plan of salvation, which is in the death and resurrection of His Son Jesus Christ. It surfaced from my own desire for a feeling of safety, security, peace, and comfort. I, however, never did make it to that church and probably never would have, due to procrastination and fear. As chance has it, an opportune happed upon me to meet a girl by going to church with her. Her father, the pastor, introduced me to Jesus, and from that day forward, I've been a Christian. Her family took me in, so to say, and treated me graciously. I'm thankful for that.

Living the life of a Christian for about six years now, I look upon the time when I lived without God and I realize the differences of who I was, who I am, and who I want to be. I am now burden-free and completely fulfilled. My life has meaning, purpose, and reason. God changed me from living a self-centered, arrogant life to becoming a self-sacrificing humble child of God. Jesus opened my heart and eyes and revealed the Light of the Truth to me. My sin had been forgiven and it had nothing to do with what I have done except by surrendering my life to Christ and acknowledging Him as my Lord and Saviour. My purposeful, eternally promised life became what it is now only by the amazing grace of God, and by no other means. Although my life is not completely burden-free, God provides ways and means for me to persevere. God has filled me with love, given me direction and guidance and hope and faith, He has comforted me, given me strength and perseverance, provided deliverance and saved me from death. He has laid upon me peace and joy and worth. I am found and no longer blind.