Abstract

Divorce can have a significant impact on the well being of each member of the involved family, particularly the development of children and adolescents. The result of divorce affects many aspects of a person’s life, including the parent-child relationship, emotions and behavior, mental development, and future relationships. As stated by Robert Hughes, Jr. PhD, the divorce rate in America has been rising during the 20th (Source: Patten, Peggy. (1999). Divorce and Children Part I: An Interview with Robert Hughes, Jr., PhD. ParentNews).

Devastation of Divorce

As a result of divorce, younger children may become uncooperative, depressed, or angry. In an excerpt from Family Education, a woman describes the issues she had with her four year old niece. The little girl began to hit, bite, and misbehave as she missed the family unit as she once knew it (Shari Nethersole, M.D.). This incident is an example of a common outcome of divorce on children. It is possible that divorce may result in difficulties with controlling emotions and behavior. These effects can influence the parent-child relationship and possibly any relationships that take place long after adolescents. Divorce can leave a scar on everyone’s heart. At the beginning, the husband and wife were in love and happy. In the end, they saw each other with hate in their hearts, disgust on their tongues, and hurt feelings. The children part with at least one of the parents emotionally tearing them apart. Confusion, distrust, and self blame are quick to follow.
Marriage is the union of one man and one woman under God. Marriage is when a man and woman establish their decision to live as one flesh, as husband and wife, to love one another through thickness and thin, sickness and health, until death due them part. The biblical portrait of marriage reflects the relationship between Christ and His bride, the church (New American Standard Bible, Matt. 25:1-13). Divorce is unbiblical and a sin in the eyes of God (Malachi 2:16). As any sin, divorce will also hinder a Christian’s walk with the Lord.

Statistics

During the 20th century, the divorce rate in America alone has been on the rise reaching its most recent climax in the 1970s. However, since the 1970s, the divorce rate has been decreasing. Studies reveal that for every 1,000 women past the age of fifteen, twenty get a divorce; as opposed to 1978 when the peak of divorce was twenty three women per every 1,000 women. Sadly, the rate now is still higher than the rate of divorce throughout the 1950s; about five per 1,000 women. Almost every country in the world is suffering from a rising divorce rate. Two chief factors affecting the increasing divorce rate in the United States are the lesser dependencies spouses feel when it comes to their economical survival and the growing use of birth control, giving couples more sexual freedom.
Future marriages are more probable to remain intact because the United States population, as well as those countries around the world, is aging. Furthermore, an escalating number of young adults are cohabitating outside of marriage. If this sort of relationship does not last, it is not recorded as a divorce, however, that does not go to say that there are not children equally affected (Robert Hughes, Jr, PhD).

Affects on children

Mothers who experience a recent divorce may show degrees of disorganization, anger, and the lack of behavioral expectations of children. This leads to a disturbance of the parent-child relationship. Because of this disruption, some children will experience emotional and behavior issues. For example, hitting and biting a loved one, a teacher, a friend, or even themselves. Depending on the child’s age, they may feel rage, grief, guilt, and dejection, a sense of powerlessness, panic, or even emotional regression. Studies show that between the ages of six and eight children will likely fantasize and believe that their parents will come together again displaying a lack of recognition of the divorce. Between ages eight and eleven, children will display anger and frustration at feeling helpless and during adolescents, depression befalls them possibly leading to suicide (Eleoff, Sara).

Possible Solutions

Many precautions can be taken to help prevent a divorce from splitting a family apart (Family Dynamics Institute, 2009). The first and foremost preventative action that can be taken is to either accept Jesus as Lord and Savior or, if already saved, make Jesus the center of the relationship. If either spouse within the marriage takes their eyes and focus from God, they will begin to sink, just as Peter did in the Bible. Secondly, before marriage, it is better to abstain from sexual relations. Not only is sex before marriage a sin, but it also stains the purity of the love and the relationship. God created sex to be a good thing but only within marriage. Thirdly, also before marriage, a couple should not participate in cohabitation. It is often believed today that by two people living together before marriage will help them decide whether or not the person they are living with is someone they want to spend the rest of their lives with. “Cohabitation is simply a way to enjoy regular sex with a dependable partner minus the hassles of dating,” (Henslin, 2008).
Once married a couple should put a lot of focus towards communication. One majority complaint of spouses is that their partner doesn’t listen to them (Chapman, 2004). Lastly, a good decision for both partners to make is to ignore the consideration and possibility of divorce no matter the situation. If divorce was seen as something that was not an option even before marriage, spouses would likely be more supportive, loving, and loyal to one another. At a divorce rate so incredibly high, divorce is only seen as a means of convenience.

Role of the Family

The role of the family to help prevent divorce, or in the case of divorce, is first and foremost, love. An effort to help prevent divorce should be taken but if a divorce takes place and all sides are hurt, love and support will lead the way to healing. As parents, a couple recently divorced should keep their differences in private, away from the child or children. In such a case, children need love and assurance from both parents cooperatively. For children to see their parents argue and hate each other only harms the child, emotionally and mentally. As for the couple, it is best to separate as civilly as possible. Both are likely heartbroken and there is no cause to add fuel to the fire.

Role of the Community

As far as fault and blame are concerned, the community plays a relatively significant part. Sexual appealing magazines in convenient stores, nakedness of a sexual nature on television and commercials, exotic highway billboards, and easily accessible pornography on the internet are examples of the temptations that can lead to adultery. Movies also portray false life situations such as love at first sight, sex before marriage as acceptable, bastard children, and divorce as an acceptable means of ease. Solutions the community could work on would be eliminating sexually explicit material, sinful displays of life, and encouragement to the vows of marriage.

Role of the Church

The role of the church is both broad and narrow. On a broad aspect, the church should encourage more fellowship, love, and communication. For a more narrow approach, the church should offer marriage counseling, marriage seminars, marriage help groups, and even possibly help with family retreats. Pastors should not fear to preach on the blessings of marriage and the disasters and sins of divorce. The fellowship of the church may also aid married couples and pre-marital couples to participate in what the church offers.

Conclusion

Divorce is high in the United States and around the world. What is more devastating is that the divorce rate among Christians is also equally high. Christians are to be the salt and light of the world. Married Christian couples are meant to lead and guide those who aren’t married into a more rewarding relationship. Divorce of a family, no matter the culture, the background, the religion, or the social status affects everyone directly and indirectly in a negative normally harmful way.

References

Chapman, Gary. (2004). The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Chicago: Northfield Publishing.

Eleoff, Sara, (n.d.) The Child Advocate. Retrieved October 9, 2009, from The Pennsylvania State University College of Medicine, the Child Advocare website: http://www.childadvocate.net/divorce_effects_on_children.htm.

Family Dynamics Institute, 2009. Comprehensive Marriage Ministry. Retrieved October 9, 2009, from http://www.familydynamics.net/.

Henslin, James M. (2008). Social Problems: A Down-To-Earth Approach. Boston: Pearson Custom Publishing.

Nethersole, Shari, M.D. (n.d.), Family Education. Retrieved October 8, 2009, from http://life.familyeducation.com/divorce/behavioral-problems/42210.html

Patten, Peggy. (1999), Health. Retrieved October 4, 2009, from http://www.athealth.com/consumer/disorders/childrendivorce.html